Don’t make me learn what The Masked Singer is about
Rudy Giuliani has finally gone too far
Some things are universal constants. The puddle of brown sludge on the street corner days after a snowstorm is always deeper than it looks. My neighbors’ dogs will always fight when they cross paths in the stairwell. Another one of these things is that for every 1–2 months of internet usage, I will be forced to learn at least one thing about The Masked Singer.
This time, it seems the show is facing some controversy after who else but America’s meltingest Mayor Rudy Giuliani was revealed to be a (the?) Masked Singer, much to the shock of judges Robin Thicke (really? the blurred lines guy?) and Ken Jeong (???), who walked off the set in protest.
Everything I’ve learned about The Masked Singer has been against my will. Before you think I’m being self-righteous, let me say I’m not one of those people who looks down on reality tv watchers. I know how to have fun. It’s actually that I’m conducting an experiment. My brain is so at capacity for unwanted information that it’s started actively repelling new facts, so I’ve decided to use these forced encounters to develop a working theory of what The Masked Singer is, using its coherency to roughly track the rate of my cognitive decline.
It seems The Masked Singer is not, in fact, a show about mascots doing karaoke which occasionally features a celebrity guest. No, it seems this is actually a singing competition where the celebrity contestants are disguised as wacky characters and only get Scooby-Dooed once the judges vote to kick them off the podium or whatever. A years-old YouTube clip called “The Masked Singer Ryan Reynolds SHOCKING Reveal!” gave me the false impression that this was a rare occurrence.
This begs a few questions, mainly “who was Rudy Giuliani’s character?” and
“does he sing good?” My current answers are that he’s the ice cream girl in this Deadline thumbnail who looks allergic to whatever flavor her skin is, and “maybe?” but these are subject to change.
The extreme reaction I’m seeing leads me to believe this is the show’s first big contestant controversy. If so they should pick up the pace. Dancing With The Stars already has Tucker Carlson and Sean Spicer among its hated alumni, just to name a few. It’s not like there aren’t plenty of Trump press secretaries to choose from. Plus, with his Borat II appearance and millions of lawsuits, Giuliani supply far outpaces Giuliani demand. Still, articles are adding SPOILER ALERT prefaces, so I assume this reveal will be quite shocking for many of the show’s fans.
I recently hung out with my one friend who watches the show, and they explained the entire concept when I expressed my bewilderment. But I’m sorry, I just don’t remember what they said. It’s not that I wasn’t listening, it’s a medical thing.
Oh, and two of the judges probably change every season. There’s no way a show that’s been on this long would commit that many years to rehabilitating Robin Thicke’s image, and I feel like if Ken Jeong was a judge on a singing contest someone would have told me by now. I don’t know who the other two judges are. If any of this is wrong, please don’t correct me. Have some respect for the scientific process.
